Fatelessness Written Task 1

The Yellow Stars

In this letter I will not use my name, the fear to the red flag with the black star is too much. I have a family, one son and a wife. I had lived all my life here in Budapest, but I have never seen such a change inside this city, inside the people, inside the families. The arrival of the yellow stars make us all the same, is like a cattle marked by a branding iron, but what hurts us more, is that we put our star on cause we are proud to be Jewish, but at the same time it's a contract to let nazis forget our rights. I'd tried to get use to the idea of living unequal, but when I wake up every morning, I'm afraid that when I open the door of my bedroom a death camp is waiting for me. Sometimes I feel like sleeping is my only escape from this prison that use to be my home, sometimes I dream of never waking up so I can be free in my imagination.

Sometimes this situation makes me feel cursed, like if my religion was my sentence, but I can't escape, because my escape is suicide, but I can't leave my family alone in this madness, and I can't just give nazis what they want, more dead jews. Sometimes I watch my son go to school and I wish I could have his innocence. He doesn't realize the chaos that we are living in. He wakes up every morning like it's just another day, nothing new, just the usual. I wish death stop tormenting my head in whatever I do, that's why I don't like knowing what nazis are doing, because it makes me afraid of my own destiny. I've learned to not feel safe, is the only way to be safe when things are like they are, it prepares me to avoid problems but it makes me wonder how long I'll be able to hide from my tragic future.

A yellow star in your coat makes you think if you are going to be treated worst than a nazi dog or if you are going to live to see that happen. I don't see Budapest as my home any more, I live like a lost boy who is searching his mother to go back home for dinner, but the difference is that the lost boy will find his way home, and my home doesn't exist anymore. How it's possible that nazis feel like heroes? I think that heroes should go for the bad guy, and if the bad guy is himself, then it transforms into the villain, and this villain is the worst of all.

I used to be proud of my blood, my past, my family legacy, but now, I feel like my past is behind me pushing me to the deep, where I can only go down to the dark and never up to the sunlight. I can't be myself anymore, I can't go shopping where I used to, I can't let my son play where he used to, I can't be normal anymore and my hands are tied for this one.

Praying to the Torah look like a sin now, even in the privacy of my house. Judaism is disappearing too, synagogues have been destroyed, there is no respect for our culture, important books have been burned, even the ones written by famous people like Einstein, knowledge is sinking with culture in the same boat and the captain is hitler's ideas. Nazis are trying to create a new world, but they can't do it right, for that, more cultures must be involved, having only one perspective it's impossible to create the perfect anything because there isn't a discussion involved.


I don't know if there's a possible end to this madness, I don't understand how evil can get so strong, It seems like there is no God, because he is the only one who is so powerful to set us free, but we are still here, trapped in what used to be our home, hopping for a miracle to come, but it never does. Besides everything, hope is still around us, and it's the only thing that let us stay sane, even with a yellow star in my coat, I still feel human, and even though I'm branded, I don't feel like another's man property. If nazis take me, I won't be happy at all, but I would be satisfied when I realize, after going to labor camps, after being sent to a concentration camp, after facing my own destiny and thinking of nothing else than fear, that when I die, I will be safe dreaming forever. This letter is as important for me as important for you, for me to relief from this emotions, and for you, because like that you can see through my eyes.

Rationale

I have chosen to write an anonymous letter of opinion to a newspaper written by Georg Koves's father. I did it anonymous because in the novel the name of Georg's father isn't said but I said in the letter that it was because he was to afraid of nazis, that is understandable given the situation. I though it was going to be very interesting to express the feelings of a Jew in the middle of the Holocaust.

The audience for this letter is the Jewish community and anyone who was against the nazi regime on the WWII and like to see things through the eyes of a Jewish man.

In the letter I have tried to express as much feelings as possible, because given the situation of Jewish people during the Holocaust it’s impossible to describe all the emotions that a jewish man was experiencing that time. I have also traed in the letter to highlight the dilemma of a jewish man of that times to decide if he is going to stay alive, trying to be safe, or if he was going to end his life forever by suicide. I tried to emphasize the suicide option too, showing that it was the best option for most of the Jewish people that time to escape from nazi regime.